EIFF 2012: Monday 25th June, in which Val Kilmer imparts motivational wisdom

Steadied by a breakfast of low quality Cineworld coffee and half a box of Cadbury’s chocolate covered animal biscuits, I was met this morning by the greatest of wondrous and bizarre entities: Val Kilmer exposing his “awesome secrets” in Harmony Korine’s segment of experimental anthology film The Fourth Dimension. WOW. Some truly fantastic insights of wonderful wisdom there…

“We are all mother ships”
“I am a drill sergeant to your heart!”
“Do not wear velvet to a job interview. VELVET KILLED ELVIS.”
“Oil is gold. And the gold is cotton candy.”
“Anyone can deliver a baby with the right tools”
“We are all babies. We need to cut the umbilical cord and find the right tools. Scrape off the afterbirth and kick it off into the fourth dimension!”
“I am talking to you like a robot, so that it goes into your mind digital.
ZERO ONE! ZERO ONE!”
“COTTON CANDY! COTTON CANDY! COTTON CANDY!”

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to turn whatever savings I have into gold, and bury it under my bath tub. So I’ll be sitting on a fucking goldmine every time I take a bath!

Anyway. Back on track. The first two parts of The Fourth Dimension, by Korine and Aleksie Fedorchenko, were fantastic stuff. The last third? Much less so. Bobcat Goldthwait’s God Bless America was a blackly comical commentary on the daily hell inflicted by modern day popular culture, and James Marsh’s Shadow Dancer was a well-crafted slice of drama.

Highlight of the day? The Innis and Gunn beer tasting. Hilarious. For possibly the wrong reasons.
“Are you aware of Guinness? Have you ever seen a Guinness?”
Son, are you high?

Please note, these are but wine-fuelled ramblings.
Real reviews will be posted here.

~ by Mondo Ghosto on 26/06/2012.

One Response to “EIFF 2012: Monday 25th June, in which Val Kilmer imparts motivational wisdom”

  1. All I could do was laugh….it’s just funny!

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