Bye 2010! See Ya! Bye! *Waves like an idiot*
Well that wasn’t too bad, was it?
So this was the year I started something I didn’t delete. For the unaware, I’m great at starting blogs and websites, but equally great at deleting the bastards. I can get disheartened by my inability to update things as regularly as I’d like. Procrastination and time wasting are my number one sins. I spend hours worrying that everything I type is a worthless piece of shit and end up posting nothing. I’m also inclined to do a spot of daydreaming, which doesn’t help much. At least what I have managed to put out is still here. Better than nothing. Onwards and upwards, eh?
In addition to the nonsense on here you may or may not have scrolled past, 2010 has been the year of obsessing over David Lynch and Werner Herzog again, and really starting on Michael Haneke. 2010 has been all about the Rourke. Being bored shitless by Tom Cruise a couple of times, and finding that sometimes, even a bit of Bale-action can’t save a film. Of defending Colin Farrell and sticking up for Tom Hardy. Of feeling I may have been rather unfair to Danny Dyer in the past, as after all – I have sat through repeated runs of Real Football Factories and all the other Hard Bastard stuff for years. 2010 had me freaking out over the A-Team, disregarding the long standing “no suave pricks except Don Johnson” rule. Going on a Cassel kick once more. Finally giving up on Dario Argento. Spending hours perfecting my Sean Bean voice. Being caught off guard by a film about Facebook. Putting Scott Pilgrim on hold in favour of repeated Hot Fuzz/Shaun of the Dead, “just in case”. Fisting the sky for the return of Chris Morris. Screaming “All is forgiven, Nic Cage!” from the windows. Watching more Heath Ledger than I ever have before. Seeing my mum give up her beloved Jean Claude Van Damme in favour of Jason Statham. Loving the fuck out of Black Death, and unfairly pitting Triangle against Timecrimes. Heading back towards the teenage Nam phase. I’m forgetting loads and leaving a lot out, but life is too short to list everything you’ve seen. I’ll start that next year. For yes, inspired by this wondrous achievement, I’m going for a 2011 film challenge. I have no idea what I’m setting myself up for…and I’m still working through that rewind catch up on around eight or nine years of watching films absolutely shit-faced. So many movies, so little memory.
450 films in a year? Jesus, I’ll be lucky to hit one a day. Maybe I’ll aim higher and go for 400. (In the words of Karl Pilkington – WHAT am I doing?)
Oh 2010. Cinematically, you’ve given me a lot, haven’t you? I’ve not really taken half the bait though, have I? No. I’ve spent too much of my precious time off getting drunk, pretending to be Mick Jagger, and wasting entire days on John Bonham drum solos. Mind you, a day with some Bonham in it is never a day wasted. Think I need that statement printed on a t-shirt or something.
On the upside though, when I have been able to get my shit together, I’ve been given the opportunity to have stuff I’ve written posted by some pretty fine people on their fine-ass sites. Ye Gods be praised for the web, for I’ve met some great people on it. Again, onwards and upwards.
Being able to maintain enough concentration to write at all is bloody amazing, considering the amount of brain cells I’ve killed off in the past. I’m making the effort to do it every day right now, writing about anything that comes to mind. I only seem to post less than half of anything I do, which might actually be a good thing. I don’t think you need to read all the riffing on faked confidence and the joys of pretending to be somebody else for a day, endless Bowie nonsense, piss poor Twin Peaks ramblings or the ten page breakdown I had over Dead Man’s Shoes. Fuck. No one should have to read that. Strangely, what started off as a ramble about a favourite film – and ended up as a bit of a nightmare – helped sort me out in ways unimaginable. This year more than ever I found that sometimes, a film and a blank page can open up long shut doors you wish you could keep closed forever.
If 2010 has seen an achievement of any kind it is that I’ve started to go a bit easier on myself. Not beat myself up as much about all my failings, of which – in my mind at least – there are thousands. Once more – with feeling – life is too short. I’ve spent too many years on guilt, thinking that I shouldn’t even be here, I don’t deserve to be, and that some roles in the theatre of life really should have been reversed. Shit which does nothing but fuck you over and eat you up. Maybe I’m too honest on here. It’s nice to be honest sometimes, let the showface drop. I don’t know whether I give off the impression of being an arrogant, self-assured dickhead. I’m not. I lack confidence with regards to mostly everything. I have little faith in anything I do, but at least I have had a bit more courage this year to speak up and tell people what I think. Admittedly, it is behind the screen of the internet for the most part, and I still worry that I’m never thinking the right thing…but fuck it. I am ridiculously grateful to those who have shown belief in me this year. To those who have joined me on various ventures, given me feedback and generally not hated me for being me, you are wonderful, wonderful people. You know who you all are.
This year has been my best in bloody ages.
Have a go at making 2011 even better? Oh ye fucking Gods, YES.
Ah, enough of the verging-on-sentimental bullshit – there is a shelf heaving with vodka, snow to have fun with, plus Duran Duran and ABC on ice.
Fuck yes, 2010. Let’s go and get ratted!